


Emotional Trauma

by SomeSuperHero



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Bath, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally spent, F/F, F/M, Hurt, Jealousy, Post-episode Spyfall parts one & two, Post-episode orphan 55, Pre-Established Relationship, comfort., more emotions, spray painting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26573485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSuperHero/pseuds/SomeSuperHero
Summary: Season 12 should be renamed "Just a lot of emotional trauma."Translated from Gallifreian from The Doctor's 3,000 year old diary.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Yasmin Khan/The Master
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Spyfall Part One & Two

**Author's Note:**

> i know Gallifreian doesn't translate into English, but that's not the point.

This wasn't the first time I caught him flirting with Yaz, but she seemed to enjoy the attention. He smiled at her and made her smile. Humans called this flirting. I wasn't usally jealous of others, but I was the one who made her smile. Me. I love her, and it wasn't like with Rose. I tell her, day after day, in case it was the last time we see each other. I turned to my cards. Three red hearts and four black clubs. It had felt as if a club had hit _my_ hearts. 

I looked over at her, catching her brown eyes, and she looked back down at the dice she was about to throw. O hung on her shoulder. I wanted to take her from Barton's party and take her some where special. Like New Earth or the sandy beaches of Purle. I could almost fell the warm, squishy sand between my toes, but I knew it was just my socks and my over active imagination. 

\--------------

He wasn't O. He was The Master trying to take over the world.... Like always. 

"Where's Barton? We saw him come in?" Yaz asked. She was always on top of things, even if she was just hurt by the betrayal.

"Called away before takeoff. By me! Stick with me, Yaz, cos I control... everything. Even these guys." The light creatures appeared with a snap of his fingers, but that's not what scared me. The Master, my friend, enemy, classmate, asked her to go with him. I glanced at Yaz, thinking she was going to say something like "I'll never betray The Doctor!" or something. Instead she did nothing. Maybe she was going to to join him. I'd let her if that would make her happy.

The bomb was down to 0.08. "I can't do it! Get away!" I yelled, shutting the cockpit door just as the bomb explodes and knocks me down. " Yah! One last thing. Something you should know in the seconds before you die. Everything that you think you know... is a lie. Got you, finally. " He vanished, and I turned my attention to the the light creatures as they rush me. 

It was dark, very dark, then I hit a ground, and I could see again. 

"No, no, no, no."

\-----------

When I saw Yaz (and Ryan and Grahman) again, she looked shocked and a tad angry with me. "You've got a lot of explaining to do." My chest tightened at the snappish attitude. 

"Like wot?" I asked, and Graham said," Like how do you stop the plane?" My eyes widened. I forgot about the airplane. I turned to Ada and Noir. "The plane!"

\----------

Gallifrey was burning. The scent of derbies and flames blasted my nose. This was my _home._ My original _home,_ and somebody had taken it from me. Sure, I didn't go there often, but that was because shooting a fellow Time Lord was treasonous. But atleast I knew it was there. Alive. Thriving.

I stepped back into my TARDIS and slammed the door. "Is something wrong?" I turned and Yaz stood there in her Jim-jams. I placed a palm against the doors. "No, just shut it too hard." I threw in a smile for good measure.

"Okay, Doctor," she said, sounding like she didn't quite believe me. She came and gave me a tight hug. I inhaled the scent of coconuts and strawberries. 

"You smell like fire, Honey," she stated, and I nodded. "Oh, well, you know. There are lots of fires in 1941." Yaz nodded and kissed my cheek. "Just take a bath before you come to bed." 

"Okay." I let her go. "Hey, where you ever going to join O-- The Master?" Yaz looked at me and held my head. "No, Doctor. I wouldn't have. I mean O was cute and kind, but no... I love you too much." She kissed me, and I kissed her back.

\----

The next day, they wanted an explanation about my origins. It was long over due anyways. I told them the usual.

"I was born on a planet called Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm a Time Lord. I can regenerate my body. I stole this Tardis and I ran away. I've been travelling ever since....The Master was one of my oldest friends.... We went very different ways. Questions?"  


"Loads." Graham said, trying to be polite as possible. Yaz asked if they could visit, but I said another time. _The_ _Master_ _would_ _show_ _her_. _He_ _would_ _show_ _her_ _his_ _work_. _They'd_ _laugh_ _it_ _up_ _and_ _dance on the ashes.... Or atleast he would. Yaz wouldn't. She was too kind for that._

Tears threatened to fall, so I ran up the stairs and paused, hoping they would call be back, but they didn't, and I forged forward.

\------------

My brian hurt, as I opened the door to my art room. Three walls were painted a sky blue, but one was blank. I was saving it for an outlet. Like writing for some people distracted them from hurting, I painted. I liked drawing new worlds, old worlds, places that I had visited, but this wall was for pain and trauma. It was called The Doctor's Pain and Tramua Wall to Paint. 

I sighed, gathering spray cans. Sure I wasn't really Banksy, and I was joking around with Graham, but spray painting gave this form some spunk. Once I had the colors I needed, I put on a gas mask to filter out the paints. 

"Are you my mummy?" I cocked my head sideways. In case you are wondering, whoever is reading my diary, first off put it back where you found it, and second, yes, I had to do that. It made me feel better. It was the only time I shouted,"Everyone lives. Just this once, Rose, Everyone lives!" 

I wished I hadn't said "just this once." I pulled off the cap of the orange and got to work. I remembered how Gallifrey looked before it was brought to it's knees. The red grass, the burnt-orange Sky, the villages, the houses, the mountains way in the back, the Dead Zone. Everything, and made my lines to match my memories.

It took hours to get it right, and even then something was off. Something I had forgotten. My hand moved on it's own, and it was a blue police box. My TARDIS arriving home. I smiled. 

\----------

When I went to bed that night, I snuggled into a sleeping Yaz. "I am going to need your help, Yaz. Just stick with me." I wrapped my arm around her and snuggled deeper. "Help me."


	2. Orphan 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Subduct's Breaking Point... 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22231882/chapters/53084020
> 
> . I borrowed a couple of paragraphs, but credit definitely goes to this user. Please don't come after me.

Yaz said I was in a mood. I wasn't. Sure, I was snappish, but I couldn't get sleep anymore. Even cuddling didn't help. I'd wake up, hearing his voice and the flames roar in my ears.  
"Mood's fine."I looked back down at the mop.... Guess I would've been a good caretaker at Kerblam... I felt guilty, though. Yaz didn't, none of them, deserved the anger I was giving them.

After Graham set the cupuons down, and the box started to glow, it was quite and dark, then we we're shiny. "There you go, Yaz. Sunshine!" I said. A P.A. sounded,"Welcome to Tranquillity Spa."

Oh, no, no, no,no. My TARDIS.... It wasn't here. I missed the hum of the vortex already. Like it was an addictive drug,

"Alright, guys. This is a bit of all right, innit?" Graham said, looking around. A short cheery hairy humanoid in grey and yellow uniform greeted us.

"Welcome. O'Brien party of four? Bandohzi Herald coupons. I'm Hyph3n with a 3, your customer host here at Tranquillity Spa. And relax.

This place was already spmakng me itch. I spoke up. "Hi, Hyph3n with a 3. Nice tail. I'm a bit worried about being separated from my ship." 

" Our system has saved exactly where you came from. You can return any time, but you're booked in for two weeks, all-inclusive." My hearts sunk deeper than the Titanic. The first one. "Get in. "

After Hyp3n explained alittle more, Yaz went to the pool, not inviting me. Guess she was still upset with my snappish mood. Ryan went off to the building, and Graham explained what he was going to do, which was basically sit, I swiping my arms, bored. "I'll have a look round, then. By myself." Talking to myself. Always. I was about to slump into the cement, I saw a puff of blue smoke form the teloport controls. Hmm..... I didn't know what to make of it, so I followed Ryan.

\------

"Welcome to Tranquillity's bar and refreshment zone. We serve all your favourites, all-inclusive."

Ryan smiled. "Oh, free stuff......Oh. Ow. Ow."  
" Fighting with the vending machine?" I asked him if he was fighting with the vending machine. I once knew a fighting vending machine. It attacked with crips and biscuits, and let me tell you, it's not as easy as you think when you have Jamie arguing with Ace the entire time about sexist comments... I'm just sayin. 

"No, it just gave me an electric shock. "

Well, bugger.

\---------

The computer's voice ran through the corridor. " Relax. This is a routine Tranquillity drill. "

"Coming up to linen cupboard now. " 

" Hyph3n with a 3. I just pulled this out of a friend of mine. "

"Well, we do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquillity Spa. " I got it, didn't find it funny....

"It wasn't recreational. This is a weapon. I'd say someone is targeting you. Now, why would they do that? Also, why is that alarm going off? And why do you look so concerned? Also, where does the 3 come in Hyphen? Never mind. That one can wait. Also... also, what's behind that door? Cos no linen cupboard needs a key with that many security gradings. I want to take a look....."

"Guests aren't permitted in the... linen cupboard."

I pulled out my psychic paper out of my pocket.

  
" How about Pan-galactic Standards and Practices Officer? " That was a thing, right?

"Health and Safety?" Worked twice, what about a thrid?

"Security and Hygiene?" I was just making things up now.

"Resort Inspector." Finally. "Now, are you and your excellent tail going to let me have a look, or am I going to have to bark at you? Cos I will. " What the Gallifreian heck are you don', Doc?

\------

" This is a nest. Watch out for dormant Dregs. They sleep standing up. The stairs are the other side. We need to go through. Silently. "

Yaz, or I guess, Yasmin, now, said,"We should have been able to help her." I smiled. Yaz always wanted to help people.

They kept going ahead, not paying any attention to me 

My O2 meter burned red, and I knew if I wasn't going to get air soon, I, too, was going to die. Which was fine. Dead was welcoming at this point. Follow the fallen Time Lords.

My computer said," Oxygen supply level one percent. You must find breathable air immediately. Oxygen supply level one percent. Immediate action required. Refill oxygen canister. Find breathable air. Failure to do so will result in threat to life. "  


"Oh do shut up."

My footing slowed, and my canister started to turn orange, then green. Breathable air. Huh.

\-------

We made it. 

" She... she'll be okay. She'll be fine. She's with Kane."

" How are they going to be okay? No oxygen, no help." They looked at me.

" When did you know that it was Earth?"

:"Just before you did. Look, I know what you're thinking, but it's one possible future. It's one timeline. You want me to tell you that Earth's going to be okay? Cos I can't. In your time, humanity is busy arguing over the washing-up while the house burns down. Unless people face facts and change, catastrophe is coming. But it's not decided. You know that. The future is not fixed. It depends on billions of decisions, and actions, and people stepping up. Humans. I think you forget how powerful you are. Lives change worlds. People can save planets, or wreck them. That's the choice. Be the best of humanity. Or..." 

I didn't make a lot of speeches, this time around, but I felt like I had done a good job. Then Yaz piped up. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Yasmin’s voice was quiet, so soft that I wasn't sure I heard her correctly- my eyebrows shot up in surprise as I blinked, head jerking backwards. Ryan and Graham exchanged an uneasy glance, and Graham started to try and say something but Yaz cut him off with a short, sharp gesture. “How can you just… go on? We- we’ve just seen our planet, our home, completely destroyed, and now you- you lecture us about it being preventable? It’s easy for you to say- it’s not your planet we’ve just seen annihilated!” My jaw was set, and she had a very ugly expression as she glared at me.

Graham’s attempt to interject died with his half-hearted smile as he looked from Yaz to me. My expression was blank, frozen in shock at the outburst, and like slow motion I blinked, my jaw clenching so taught that it might’ve broken through my skin. I felt my body being frozen in place. A deafening silence stretched, even the TARDIS’ usual murmuring and comforting motion seemed to mute, as Yaz seemed almost shocked by what she’d said. After a long, terrifying moment, I let my shoulders fall and my back straightened, a laborious breath being drawn in through my nose. She didn’t say a word.

  
“Doctor, I-” Yaz began, but I already turned away, expression hidden from the humans as I began to aggressively manipulate the TARDIS console, yanking levers and slamming buttons with such force that the noise filled the suddenly uncomfortably small space. I didn't not want to talk with them or even see them right now. I just given them the speech I would have liked. “Doc, c’mon,” began Graham, walking towards the doctor as a now-tearful Yaz shrugged off a hug from Ryan, “She- we’ve had a long day, there’s no need t-” he stopped in his tracks, pulled up so quickly he might’ve been hit as he saw the expression on my face. I was bent over the console, knuckles white against the two controls. I was furious, and Graham took a step back, paling.

"Where are you taking us?" Ryan asked, and I shook my head. "I don't know. We're just floating around right now. I'm going to bed." Yaz reached for me, but I jerked away. "Don't touch me."

Baths were good. Hot, bubbly ones, especially. I pulled off my clothes and stepped in, wiggling my cold, moist feet. I felt nice. Relaxing. My muscles relaxed, and I closed my eyes, trying not to think about today's adventure. Sometimes there were adventures that could have been more fun. Like the time I had met Elton Pope. He had so much potential.

Or the time I jumped into my own time stream to save Clara... It just seemed like a silly anwser to a serious question I had. Often I wonder if my life is controlled by people who wished they knew me or needed me. Perhaps Rose had me in that way, too, as like a tv show.... Or something. I don't know alternative realitys were odd to me.

A knock came to the door, interrupting my thoughts. "Yeah?" I called, and Yaz said, not opening the door. "Just making sure you didn't drown yourself." I sighed. "You can open the door!" I called, and Yaz did. "Hey," she said, sitting on the closed toilet lid. She sighed. "I'm sorry about what happened. I was still in shock."

It's fine..... You know that's not the end of Earth? In the year 5 billion the sun explodes, taking the Earth with it? Then, not long afterwards all of the mourners come back to find ash and dust.... They find a new planet. The same size, the same air, the same dirt, well, almost with the last one.......anyways, what do you think the humans and subdivisions of Humans call it?" Yaz shrugged, and I smiled. "New Earth. Brand new earth. Paradise for all to seek it."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticism are welcomed. Thank you.


End file.
